This is the third Father’s Day I am celebrating without my dad here. I miss him; there is no question. It hurts, as all growing tends to. This year the LORD has been so generous to shift my perspective of this day.
Instead of thinking that three years ago my dad passed, I firmly believe that three years ago my dad was set free.
I believe that in his death he was given more life than he ever had the opportunity to experience here on earth. My dad was captive to a life riddled with addiction of many forms. Trapped in bondage of sin and shame that he was never able to surrender to conquer. Broken promises, unfulfilled commitments, wickedness and chaos were themes that were woven through his entire life. Unfortunately, these soul ties then bled into the lives of those around him too. Including his children.
My dad suffered tremendous physical pain, but I often wonder if the emotional pain over 60 years was worse. I do not have the ability to say that I was given a biblical version of a father; a childhood filled with beautiful memories of my dad, or know what the feeling of having rest and refuge in a dad feels like…I do not. I do not get to make Instagram posts with pictures, stories and hashtags that sound like they are out of a storybook. Yet, I DO know what it feels like to have been wrapped in my heavenly Fathers protection and provision for far longer than I can remember.
Learning forgiveness and mercy FOR my dad versus from my dad.
My dad taught me how to love despite circumstance, and I know that in his weakness, he was teaching me strength and perseverance- even though he did not even realize it… He helped create a resilience deep within my soul and helped reveal the truth that happiness will never be found in someone else. Happiness is based on happenings, only true JOY comes from the LORD. That we will all fall short and disappoint others; even as parents. So this Father’s Day I celebrate the life that was breathed into my dad in what feels like just yesterday. I pray that the 60 years you waited for freedom felt beyond worth it. Thank you for lessons you taught me, that are serving me so well now. I hope you can hear the prayers from Grace EVERY night since you have left, that the gates of heaven opened for you. It is my hope too.